SURROUND YOURSELF WITH FEAR

THURSDAY 2 OCTOBER. I've had many peak experiences in my life. We all have, but we forget to remember. Beautiful view, birth of my children, getting caught in and surviving a bomb blast. But they have all been short lived. Mind takes over and I start thinking again.
I was staring into a friends eyes listening to his fear - 5 kids, credit crunch, huge mortgage, passed over for promotion all these years and now going to lose his job, reputation in tatters. I do that all the time. Beat myself up and don't look at what is real.
Can I remain positive despite what is happening around me?
I was due to meet up with another set of friends but I could feel the onset of another peak experience, and whilst I love them dearly what would you choose - Another set of fear stories or potential bliss?
I meditated on the train. Then picked up Eckhart's Tolle 'The Power of Now'. This is a book I have been resisting for some time. I know why now. My ego hates it.
It was recommended to me by one of my Gurus. I have many gurus - bizarrely mostly Scottish. I also have many Rugus. This is a term I use for people who annoy me intensely. Gu - dark, Ru - light. So my Guru's take me from the dark and lead me to the light. My Rugus take me from the light and lead me to the dark. I love Guru's and Rugu's equally. They are both excellent teachers.
My most powerful Rugu is my ego. Great teacher, fabulous task master, evil little rascal. I call him Keith.
He is also my most powerful Guru.
My Scottish guru - Goddess McBeautiful - recommended PoN several years ago. I ignored her, knew better - anything that popular can't be good etc.
I read the sentence 'It is not uncommon for people to spend their whole life waiting to start living.' Which brought to mind a host of similar quotes culminating in the Zen 'If not now, when?' . And then I realised I had all this head knowledge and just wasn't doing it.
Then another one of my Scottish Gurus - McGod - popped into my head and reminded me of something he had said the day before 'Don't read about it, do it.'
Ping! I woke up.
Words can't describe the experience. They can hint at it. Awaken something in the reader/listener - and then that person should follow that personal path. The more words you use the further away from it you become. I texted McGod ' Hahaha! I've just woken up! Mate it is now!'
The experience lasted into the night and most of the next morning. I sat up marvelling at everything, simple stuff was the best.
It is not for everyone. You have to be utterly fearless. Most people surround themselves in fear. You have to give that up. Very difficult - until you do it.
'When an opponent comes forward, move in and greet him; if he wants to pull back, send him on his way.' - Morihei Ueshiba